I’ve been wanting to write this post for weeks, but it’s been hard to find the right words and I need to get them just right.
An hour after I published my announcement about Collide getting published with Evernight Teen, I received devastating news. News which two months later still breaks my heart, and will have a lasting effect forever.
My brother passed away unexpectedly in his sleep. At first, I thought what most people would in my shoes. No way. Not possible. There must be some kind of mistake. He was only forty-four, was not ill, and had no health issues that I was aware of. How could something like this happen? It’s not fair that he’s gone. It just isn’t.
My brother was a thoughtful, generous soul, one I wish I appreciated more when he was around. He knew that I loved him, but I regret not having done more for him and with him, and I’ll never get the chance to do that over. Not a day has passed where I haven’t thought of him, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon, if ever.
I miss him dearly. It’s odd to no longer get text messages from him, or to hear his voice on the other side of the phone.But, probably the weirdest thing of all is that I can almost deal with missing him. It’s knowing that he’s never coming back that really hurts.
What I’m about to say is totally cliché, but it’s never felt more true to me. Hug your loved ones. Tell them and show them how much they mean to you, because you never know which time will be the last.
When I started sharing the horrible news, I received encouraging words from a writing friend. She had lost her mother two years earlier right around the same time of year, and her insight had comforted me more than she probably knows. She encouraged me to grieve, and to not expect any sort of “normal” until a new normal finds its way past the pain. Thank you, Sharon, for reminding me that, at some point, things will feel okay again.
And, so I go on, searching for my new normal…